I’m tired of my life & my attempts to do anything worthwhile. I’m tired of men & the way they say
“I love you” just in case they mean it some day. I’m tired of holding back the things I need to say so long that they begin welling up in the back of my throat, silently choking the breath out of me.

I don’t know which of the things I do could make me money anymore. I wander around confused
about expectations & disappointing myself just by the way I wake up in the morning. A woman at
the co-operative grocery store told me how “sick” my choker was as I was buying some organic
coffee I’d ground myself & I realized how fake everything about me has become.

I will never be the bigger person. Loving someone selflessly almost got me killed & I guess if I had to decide right now, I’d like to be alive.

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